I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
