I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
