I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
