Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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