yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I think my fart just growled at me.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
