my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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