when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
