i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
