my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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