day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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