I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
