what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
