did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
