So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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