and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Randomize
