i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
be right there i have to get my cape
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
