I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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