This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
