I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
