I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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