bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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