Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
