We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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