i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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