Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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