im drinking this country out of the recession.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
