In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
