Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
