just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
