I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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