You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
