I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
