I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
