Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
