She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
