i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
