apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
