You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
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