Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
