I wannas sexs uuuuu
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
