You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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