my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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