If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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