Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
