i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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