Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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