There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
