VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The feeling are messing with the penis
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
