Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
