Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
