he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
