You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
