Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
