I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
